But I don’t want to!!! 

What do you do when you know something is right, but that means you have to do something you don’t want to?

Last week hubby and I were having a little disagreement, it was really silly, like most arguments it had started from nothing, we were arguing the same point but from our own perspectives, the devil had a field day with finger pointing and accusations. I had taken something that hubby had said and listened to that negative voice and turned it into something it just wasn’t, I was being defensive and very angry!

The trouble was I thought I was right, and I had no need whatsoever to apologise when in actual fact I was wrong! I wasn’t wrong because the point I had raised was wrong, I was wrong because I’d let into the enemy and lost my self-control, I had lost the ability to look at what my husband was saying from his perspective and as a result I was sitting in my room with a face like the little girl in the picture above!

I love how kind, forgiving and nurturing God is in these situations, I prayed about it and my prayer went something like:

Lord, Please let him see how unreasonable he is being, I can’t believe he thinks I need to do more, how much more can I do?! Please tell him to stop being so bossy…. blah blah blah.

Following my prayer I had a chapter of the Bible come to mind, Proverbs 21,

1- In the Lord’s hand, the king’s heart is a stream of water that he channels to all that please him.

2 – A person may think that their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart.

3 – To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

4 – Haughty eyes and a proud hear – the unplowed fields of the wicked – produce sin.

5- The plans of the dilligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.

I’m thinking here, yes Lord, this is exactly what I am trying to say! You know I’m right and you are confirming to me that I am! Then ………. my eyes jumped forward a couple of verses to 9:

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

See, we were both right in our own minds, we both see things differently, He made us both unique to our purpose, life would be pretty boring if we were, all the same, wouldn’t it?

God wants us both to take our views and work together in harmony, Colossians 2:2 says;

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ.

We have the strength to do this by His Grace, through His Spirit we can walk the way He asks us to, but of course, this does mean that we must deny ourselves, reserve our judgements and trust His course of action, which at this time meant that I was to get up and go downstairs to apologise for losing my patience, being quick to anger and not using my self-control! Thankfully, we had a visitor which meant there was time to calm down, relax and take some time before I approached the dreaded task! Once I was willing God started to intervene and His Grace meant that this task would be a little less daunting, He always works things out for our good.

Our visitor left and I made us some lunch ready to sit down again and discuss things like adults, as it happened by God’s mercy for my willing heart He had also been doing a work in hubby, he also felt he should apologise, so we both said our “sorry” kissed and made up, then went on to discuss our business in a fashion that pleases God, which I am pleased to say worked out all around and we are back on track.

Will we argue about it again? Of course we will, but God will again patiently work through with us what to do in order to put things right, He is patient, He is loving, He wants the best for His children and He will do this 7 x 7 times, meaning to infinity because He wants us to live life in abundance, with His peace, His joy to radiate love to one another.

 

 

 

 

Daddy Can You Hear Me?

When I came to know Jesus, I journaled a lot and reflected on my life up to that point, I wondered where He had been and saw all the times He was calling me. I wrote this poem to kind of summarise my conclusion.

Daddy, can you hear me?

I call out, Can you hear my shout?

Lift me up on to your lap,

Free me from this trap!

 

Wrap Your arms tightly round,

I want to hear Your sound.

I want to please,

live a lifetime of ease,

Do all that you ask.

 

 “I can’t hear you!”

 

I do what I want,

No care or revere, 

Where are you? 

Are you even here?!

 

Mom and Dad, they were good,

I’m always in the way,

Making things difficult,

and going astray.

 

On a long nasty road,

addiction and theft,

Bullying, Emotion,

Self-sabotage and destruction!

 

“Can you hear me?!”

 

Daddy, you spoke! If only to provoke, the spirit inside of me.

Loving on those in a vulnerable state,

Finally, a job I didn’t hate,

You blessed me.


You poured out your blessing,

A brand-new beginning,

A home filled with love,

They went beyond and above,

A Family!

“I can see you!”

I Destroyed it again,

Evil prevailed.

I turned the wrong way,

To darkness…dismay!

 

Cold and alone,

in a pool of bile,

feeling helpless and vile,

I drank the first thing I could reach,

it was bleach.

Where are you?”

 

You saved me again but I still felt this pain.


“Can you hear me?”

I found love in this man,

his soul just as lost,

We lived together with his son but at what cost?

Drinking and violence,

I couldn’t cope with the silence,

Your strength came upon me to walk away.

 

You gave me independence,

my own home and recompense,

all those dark years washed away.

 

Freedom and fun,

I found another one,

he was perfect and sweet.

It ended too soon,

Left just me, it wasn’t to be.

“Can you hear me?

Along came another as lost as me,

a destructive, weak soul

with no life or goal,

drinking and sadness,

which turned into madness.

 

“Where are you? Help me!”


Your goodness shone through,

Strength came and I flew,

Into a life of success and joy!

A soul mate you sent,

To strengthen each other.

You were there all along,

Perfectly undercover.

 

When You saw fit,

You gave us a gift,

A beautiful baby boy.

A few months went by,

And now it was time,

To add to our family again.

 

A time of reflection,

And seeking perfection,

We discovered Your perfect love.

We always did wonder,

Who created the thunder,

and the storms of life that we had seen.

 

You lifted me up,

On to your lap,

Untangled the trap,

And showed me.

 

The purpose you gave,

Ridden of shame,

No longer slaves,

Perfectly made,

You showed us we could,

A love so perfect and good,

Freed from fear with a God to revere!

 

YOU HEARD ME!